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Chapter 106, pt.3

by Mike & Dave on September 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM

And that’s my idea for a new TV show for the CW network! It’s got everything all we teenaged girls look for in an hour-long supernatural drama!

↓ Transcript
Mike: How long is our season premiere comic going to run?
Dave: It's the pilot episode of our series premiere.

Mike: Whatever Dave. But seriously, I'm getting real itchy with this costume on. I think it might have fleas.
Dave: Mike, please, respect the fourth wall.

Mike: Again, whatever. Hey, isn't Scott supposed to involved in this somehow?
Dave: Any minute ...

Scott: Uh, hey guys.
Mike: What the hell is that?

Dave: It's Scott. He's in costume. You just need to look really close.

Mike: Holy shit. What is he?
Dave: He's a fairy. I'm gonna go ahead and say a fairy queen. No, princess.

Scott: Guys, can I put something on over this? It's really drafty and I'm getting cold.
Dave: Hush fairy princess and dance your fairy princess dance for us!

Scott: What? Do I have to? But, but, it's just so embarrassing. OK, fine, here you go.

Scott: I'm a little fairy princess!

Scott: I frolic all day long

Scott: And if you feed me chocolate treats

Scott: I'll suck you off like a bong!

Mike: How did you get him to sing that song?
Scott: I'm a little fairy princess

Scott: I frolic all day long
Dave: That little fairy strumpet will do anything for a chocolate treat!


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The River, #3

by Dave on February 17, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Posted In: Dave Watches TV!

OK, I’m obsessed with The River. Not so much because it’s all that awesome but because I so do want it to be as good as I fantasize it could be.

So how was week two? Eh, a slight improvement, I guess. Or maybe my expectations have suitably adjusted themselves. The creepy Amazonian tribe was pretty cool and I think maybe they didn’t have eyes. Having no eyes means you’re of the Devil.

And the action and suspense was nicely done and I thought some of the characters might actually die. Good stuff.

But then, there’s always a “but then”, the ending. The evil eyeless tribe was evaluating the crew to see if they were worthy of living. In the end it was a speech by Dresden Files that saved the day for the crew. A speech in English. What are the odds that this mysterious isolated tribe also knows English?

Unfortunately it didn’t stop there. The black dude performed a heroic act by going underground despite his severe phobia of the earth collapsing on him. The Amazonian tribe saw his action and somehow knew that it was a huge sacrifice on his part. So not only do they understand English but apparently they have a supernatural understanding of everyone’s life histories.

Cornball to the max.

Yet, I will be back. I want it to be good and maybe if I keep changing my expectations I’ll eventually find a way to like it.

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‘Til Death, #4

by Dave on February 16, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Posted In: Dave Watches TV!

In this episode of ‘Til Death the guys try to build something out of wood. I’ve recently become an expert on the subject of building shit out of wood. For the past week or so I’ve been measuring, cutting, screwing, and doing all sorts of things to wood including building some shelves. Here’s an example of my expertise, the tall dude in ‘Til Death tried to use a circular saw and he was holding it incorrectly. Incorrectly, that is, unless he wanted to cut off his leg. We’ll assume the former in which case, BAM!, I just fucked wood construction up its ass!

The whole experience turned out to be emasculating for the tall dude. I think the TV trope involved here has something to do with how dudes imagine themselves able to take care of their own houses and when they aren’t they become depressed. Whatevs. I’m a fucking expert on building shit now and I don’t give a crap. I’m the world’s greatest Internet-based TV critic, why would I derive any kind of fulfillment from being able to screw two pieces of wood together with a wireless drill? Coming up with a line like “I just fucked wood construction up its ass” is far more rewarding. By an odd coincidence it’s also more rewarding than watching ‘Til Death. Go figure.

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Teen Titans, #30

by Dave on February 15, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Posted In: Dave Watches TV!

I remember Mike telling me about how he and his oldest boy, Demon Spawn, bonded over the excellent Teen Titans. It was gross, but in that cute way that warms our hearts when fathers and sons bond; in other words gross.

But at least that meant Demon Spawn and Demon Spawner (Mike) had good taste in children’s animated superhero shows! Good for them.

Of course everyone knows that Fillmore! was the greatest ever animated program for kids that was ever made ever. I don’t bring that up idly. There is a reason. And that reason is my, yet again, unhealthy love for the goth character in Teen Titans, Raven, who was played by the same voice actress as the hot goth character in Fillmore!, Ingrid Third. With that kind of pedigree there’s no way that Teen
Titans could fail.

On the other hand, this episode was fairly early on. The show definitely grew up and got darker as the series went on. For the better. In the early days the show definitely skewed towards little kids. This episode was all about Cyborg having a computer virus and the teens had to go all Fantastic Voyage on his ass. I mean his brain. Though they entered through his ass. So his ass. Whatever. You get the point, more silliness than I can generally take in an animated program.

Which is not to say that it didn’t have its charms. Raven, obviously, but also the rad opening theme song. But then there was also snot humor, of which I am not a fan. Again, whatevs, still a classic and worth searching out for you and your stupid kids.

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